Universal Pictures Presents: Cowboys & Aliens

First Contact. Last Stand.

Cowboys and Aliens was a sleeper when it released opposite "Rise of Planet of the Apes" a few years back. Of course we've all seen Alien invasion after Alien invasion movie from "Independence Day" to "War of the Worlds" to a sea of others. But this movie is like none other, ever wonder what would happen if Aliens invaded back in the old west? How could we possibly survive an attack with out limited weaponry and technology back then? "Cowboys and Aliens" is unlike any other western or alien invasion film you've ever seen. It's a unique vision that plays both accurate to the time period of a spaghetti western while at the same time introducing an element that has never been seen before in the old west. This isn't surviving the weather or taking down outlaws (Although it does contain both there in), but a far more serious foe, a far more technologically advanced alien race abducting everyone in their path while taking what everyone wants back in the old west... Gold... Let's strap up our boots and saddle up for a story from the 18th century, like something you have never seen before... Here... WE...GO! 

The movie opens with James Bond himself (Daniel Craig) waking up in the desert and not knowing how he got there, this opens the door for audiences everywhere to let their imaginations run wild, he's wounded and has an interesting piece of iron strapped to his wrist (more on that later) the film makers give us as little information as possible to begin the movie which is a great move to set the scene of the old west and not to let things get too outrageous, first thing's first, we have to know we are in the old west, we have to establish that backdrop, and from what we have at the beginning it's no different than any other spaghetti western you've seen, and that's a good thing. Unable to remember anything at all he is just as in the dark as the audience and they do a wonderful job of setting this up. Its not long before a group of outlaws ride up on horses and decide that he is going to be their next bounty, and in a very "Bourne Identity" style opening our unknown man kills all four of the outlaws totally unaware of how he has these abilities. However, he seems less concerned about this than Jason Bourne was in his film. He takes their guns and one of their horses and rides off to... well he rides off...he clearly has no idea where he is going. 

Luckily, he ends up finding a town, which is pretty much just moving the story along because he went from out in the middle of no where to finding civilization pretty quick for a man who doesnt know who he is or where he is or how he got there. But never mind that, he's in the town, and the first thing he's gonna do is try to find a way to fix his wound, that he doesn't know how he got, however, in a bit of lazy writing he does seem to know his way around pretty well for a guy with complete amnesia. It doesn't take long for a preacher man to find him and stick a gun in his face. It always makes me happy to see how frequently people point guns at each other in the old west. It's as common as shaking hands. People die all the time in the old west... on account they are so quick to shoot each other. But the preacher man goes from pointing a gun at him to stitching him up pretty quick, but... That's how the old west was I guess, every film I've ever seen is that way. You point a gun at a man until you know is intentions... then when you find out he's not going to shoot you, you drop your guns, and fix each other up. 

The preacher has some wise words for our nameless man with amnesia, and quickly becomes one of the favorites of the film. Then we are quickly introduced to one of the most dumbass characters, not necessarily a villain... just a dumbass punk son of an outlaw. Like most dumbass kids, he is using his last name to intimidate the public, even though he himself has no stroke whatsoever. Our nameless man is the only one who stands up to young Dollarhide, on account he doesn't give a shit who he is. Using a great one liner to put the dumbass in his place he tells him to "Be careful where he points his gun before he gets hurt." and when Mr. Dumbass tries to intimidate him, he barely flinches and gives him a knee to the groin and we watch him fall to the ground. Okay... The nameless man is now our favorite hero! And not just because Daniel Craig is also James Bond. The gets the attention of the whole town, but Mr. Dumbass points the gun at the nameless man, and because he's gutless takes a warning shot off out of the way, he happens to clip someone and then he panics. Why? Cuz, he's a dumbass. The sheriff tells him he's gone to far this time and now he's got to lock him up. Later on, we find out that Dollarhide, the big scary man is played by Harrison Ford is not the gigantic asshole everyone fears, but just a man who pretty much owns the place. He doesnt abuse his name the way his dumbass son does, at least not to the extent anyway. 

Anyway moving on before I give away the whole plot in the first three paragraphs, we are now going to get introduced to our first encounter with the alien race, all be it a short one that just gives us a taste of things to come. A drunken man goes to take a dump in the river, and a huge explosion and flashes of light knocks him over and when he makes his way out of the river the trees and everything that was around them is in flames. A few moments later we find out that our nameless man with amnesia is a wanted outlaw himself before he lost his marbles. He enters the bar, and a beautiful woman shows up and takes a certain interest in him, but before we can find out just what she wants the sheriff picks him up. The nameless man does what he does best, and knocks out every deputy and the sheriff ends up with a gun in his face. The woman who we met before pistol whips him for some unknown reason and the sheriff locks him up next to the young dumbass Dollarhide, the dumbass mocks him like the dumbass he is, and he pays for it when the Jake (The previously nameless man) grabs him and pulls him face first into the iron bars of the jail cell. This punk never knows when to shut his mouth and it just keeps getting him hurt.

We are introduced to the REAL Dollarhide... who is a badass but not the kind of loudmouth asshole you would expect. Jake, who is now being spoon fed his history, finds out that he is an outlaw who did what all outlaws in the old west do, rob stagecoaches. Our interesting young woman shows up and apologizes for pistol whipping him but tells him that she couldnt let him leave. This young woman is extremely important, and on the plus side she is played by Olivia Wilde so everything is great in Cowboy land. The Sherriff intends on turning Jake over to the federal marshal, but as they lock him up... with the dumbass begging for mercy... Big Daddy Dollarhide shows up, but all hell is about to break loose like something you have never before seen in the old west. Bright lights shine from the southern sky... and they are coming in quick! The whole town comes out to observe the lights, like something they had never seen before... well because back in those days... no one had ever seen "Independence Day" the closer the lights get the iron on Jake's wrist begins to come to life as it begins to beep. 

The aliens show up and start destroying everything in sight in alien crafts like something you would see out of any modern day alien film. But as they are destroying everything they are hooking and grabbing people as they go, bringing them up into the ships... Why? OHH more on that later. Now the great thing about this is they mesh the alien invasion with the old west flawlessly. You watch this and you feel like this could actually happen in the old west. The iron on Jake's wrist comes to life, and we quickly find out that it is a weapon that could have only come from our friends from outer space. How did he get it? Well we don't know yet do we, and thats what so great about this film, is you experience it the same way the cowboys do, one step at a time, making it feel all the more realistic. Jake shoots down one of the alien crafts with the weapon on his wrist and then the weapon on Jake's wrist deactivates just as quickly as it activates, why? WE DONT KNOW and that's what so great about it! They don't have any idea what or who they are dealing with, the first thing they believe it might be is "demons" and rightfully so, what else would they assume it is back in those days?

Jake rides off, to look for our alien friends, alone while the preacher tries to makes sense of it all with towns people. Jake is looking for answers, the rest of them looking for their kin, their family that has been taken by the alien invaders. Jake off looking for answers is followed by the pretty lady, who is obviously seen by Jake who tackles her to the ground, she exclaims that they took her people too and that she can help him. Jake... well he just wants to be left alone while he looks for answers. She heads back and rides along with the rest of Dollarhide and the crew while Jake our lone wolf, a badass one at that rides alone. Trying to find his lost memories, he happens... to come across a house...funny how he just happens upon all these places when he has no memory. We find out that he robbed because it was what he and his wife needed to live. We are given quick flashes into what had happened to Jake and his wife, along with so many others. 

Our lone wolf happens upon, the rest of the wolfpack, just like he happens upon everything else. Now I realize that all this is necessary for the movie to progress, it's just a tad unlikely since he has amnesia and all, and he goes off on his own, and seems to know exactly where everything is. Minor flaw, happens because the rest of the story is good enough to carry it. However it is a flaw none the less. They find a boat... that just happens to be upside down... in an area where there is no body of water large enough to float such a large boat... how interesting. During this time we find that Bid Daddy Dollarhide is shown he is not such a bad guy after all. A badass... but not a bad guy. Nice bit of character development through the whole crew, which is nice small change of pace and thats what they've been doing really well with the pacing of the film. But just when we get nice and comfy...the iron on Jake's wrist begins to beep again, which is a great way to warn the audience that shit is about to go down. 

An alien being finds our crew, and he isn't too friendly, he's a little bit growley and nasty... like most aliens. This... is where we get the first real look at our alien foes, I'm not going to describe into detail exactly what they look like and what they do, but they are your typical alien beasts. The alien takes a certain interest in a young boy, and the preacher warns the alien to get away from the boy, of course the alien listens and does exactly what he is told... of course you know I'm telling just a tiny fib... he kills the preacher... I think we all knew that was coming. Jake give a good shot with the iron at the alien and it flees, the next day they bury the preacher and head off tracking the alien scum! They track the down into a canyon but of course before they can find those alien bastards they run into Jake's old gang of thieves. Jake gives his former number two a punch in the face, and then pretends like he knows what's going on the whole time, a nice performance for a man who remembers nothing. It's not really that believable, his gang is just stupid. Of course the gang has a new leader, and they are fixing to rob a coach... which is again, what outlaws do in the old west. His old gang turns on him with their new leader, but of course Jake being the badass that he is shoots the boss man with is iron gun, and we find out that Jake has more control of the weapon than we knew. The gang joins our wolves and now we are headed with a gang of thirty or so outlaws headed to find the some alien scum! 

OF course there is the tiny problem of their far superior firepower and technology, but that doesn't stop Big Jake... eat your heart out John Wayne. Jake jumps one of those flying suckers and takes it for a dance. They crash land in a river, but Olivia Wilde...(I cant remember her name they only said it once the whole film) is attacked by an alien and becomes mortally wounded. Jake...of course does what Jake does, and blows away the alien scum, but it might be too late for Olivia Wilde. Jake carries her as far as he can but she dies...OR DOES SHE? Spoiler alert... She dies... but death is not the end for other alien beings. Yup, she's an alien from another world, and these alien scum destroyed her world, and she is here to help them save theirs before it's too late. The gang gets even larger when they are joined by the natives of the land. So we've got quite the army for our little showdown with the alien scum. Damn alien scum always showing up and bringing their scummy asses to our planet even back in the old west... Damn alien scum could have destroyed the world before we ever got to modern civilization. 

The Natives help Jake remember exactly what happened to him, how he got his weapon and what happened after they were abducted. Jake went all Jake on the aliens slicing open one of their faces before wondering off into the desert, and we are back to our opening scene. It all comes full circle at the right time and place, and now they know where the aliens are and they have a plan of attack. What is their plan of attack? They plan to attack! And now we are here, exactly where we get to in every film, this is the boss level. The plan is to get inside, save as many people as they can, while killing the alien scum that come outside, now the aliens don't see well in the day light so that gives the Indian/Outlaw army the advantage, buuuuuut that doesnt stop the aliens from killing plenty of them. They are alien scum after all. This final battle is a seamless mix of western and scifi, the only problem is the aliens are not that unique to this film, they are your random, beast like alien creatures, and are almost a mesh of several different aliens you've seen before in these types of films. The effort is clearly to mesh the two genres more than to be creative with the aliens. Typically in theses invasion films the aliens are after the resources of the planet, the difference here is they are only after gold. Which is unique, but yet at the same time a tad lazy because it's never really explained why they want the gold other than it's as rare to them is it is to us. 

While the gang of Indians/Outlaws are out fighting the alien scum, Jake and *Alien Olivia Wilde* are inside the ship trying to save as many as they can.While at the same time, trying to take down the ship. We find that most of the people who were abducted are still alive, but the captives are still dazed and its going to take a little bit of time for them to escape. Jake goes deeper into the cavern killing every alien that comes his way with his arm gun, and as always with aliens there seems to be a never ending supply of them, like an infestation of cockroaches. Just as Jake kills all the aliens coming their way the captives are all out... conveniently. Olivia Wilde takes them deeper into the cavern/space ship instead of leaving and she gets Jake to take off the arm gun... well it falls off because he doesn't come off unless he stops thinking. So she kisses him and it falls off. She seemingly knows how to program the gun into some sort of bomb, how does she know? Have no idea... this sort of unexplained plot devices in the end of films really bugs me. They do stuff, just because they have to, to get to the end. They focus too much on getting to the end, then how they got there, and that will always loose points in my book. 

As Jake tries to find his way back out of the ship, he of course finds himself looking too closely at junk, and he comes in contact with an alien... the same alien the sliced in the face when he remembered his past. Big Daddy Dollarhide saves him, and then together they kill the alien scum, by shooting a vat filled with melted gold as it drops on the alien. Now... is the part when the aliens decide to run away, they've admitted defeat and are going to leave now. So Jake and Dollarhide are running out of the ship just as its taking off... Olivia Wilde is taking her sweet tie getting to the core while an alien is chasing her... who apparently doesnt really want to stop her, because she is moving at a snails pace while he runs after her but is unable to catch her. She blows they place sky high and the whole ship goes KABOOM! Cowboys and Aliens... Cowboys 1 Aliens 0. Well not quite, Aliens won the battle, Cowboys won the war. Now... WHY the alien ship was destroyed at it's core by the wrist cuff that was a alien gun that Jake was using the whole film, because she magically knew how to turn it into a bomb... that's my issue. 

While everyone reunites with their family, Lone Wolf Jake goes back to his home... where he and his wife were abducted he lays flowers down on the table to symbolize her resting place. We are back at in the town, and everyone is partying at the bar in celebration of their victory. Big Daddy Dollarhide shows up and everyone goes quiet, but it's all good, because he tells everyone that the next round is on the Dollarhide's as the crowd roars its approval. This experience with the alien scum has made Douchebag Dollarhide a much more respectable young man, and has made amends for his past faults. The film ends as most westerns do... with Jake riding off into the sunset. 

Final Thoughts:

Cowboys and Aliens is a one of a kind western that you was blended flawlessly. You watch the film actually believing that this is no different than any western than you have seen before. That is clearly where the attention in his film was placed, because it was executed flawlessly. The problems were with the story elements, the film was much better when we knew very little and we were finding it out as it went. There were a few lazy hiccups here and there with Jake, and how he would just magically show up where he needs to be when he is lost out in the desert with no idea where he is, and he just happens upon places of significant value to the film when he is off lone wolfing it. The aliens were pretty much like many you have seen before, so there was little effort put into the aliens, but I think the point was more that these aliens were there in the old west more so than what the aliens themselves looked like. Where the water gets a little choppy is in the climax of the film, they make if clear that the aliens don't see well in the light yet they seem every bit as hard to kill as they would normally. The Outlaws/Indians had almost zero advantage. Then there was the no explanation of how she knew how to turn the arm gun into a bomb. How slow she was crawling toward the core while an alien chased her at full speed yet couldn't catch her. The scene where the alien caught Jake was a nice little throw back especially since it made it clear that it was out of vengeance when the alien had the scar, but it all became pretty predictable in the end after keeping us guessing through 3/4s of the film. So what we have here is a film that is 3/4's great... so our final rating is... 

Final Rating: 

3.5 outa 5